How to Have Difficult Discussions

In every relationship, there comes a time when we need to have a difficult conversation. It may be to talk about a friend, family, our partner’s behavior, or our own choices and preferences.

Most of us feel nervous about having these difficult conversations and some even try to avoid getting into any such discussion. But there’s no way around this particular situation.

Every long-term relationship needs to have a few difficult and uncomfortable conversations before it becomes stronger and resilient. However, if you're feeling anxious about talking to your partner about an issue that may lead to polarized views, then these tips will be helpful.

6 Tips to Make Your Difficult Conversations with Your Partner Easier

Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels

1. Plan and Ease the Issue In

There are times when you may be aware of what the problem is, but your partner won’t. 

So don’t just spring on the topic as a surprise in a random parking lot — bursting out with all your emotions. When having any difficult discussions, we need both partners to approach it logically and not give in to emotional impulses — and this would often happen when you start the discussion out of the blue.

Plan the discussion beforehand and set the right tone and place. Make your partner aware that you need to address an issue and have them be mentally prepared.

2. Set Aside the Time

When you realize that talking about a particular problem may bring in different points of view or be hard on your partner, make sure that you have chosen the right time and place to do it.

You don’t want to convey the news of your unhappiness in the relationship over a phone call or a text message. When you want to do it healthily, choose the proper time that’s comfortable for both you and your partners. Both of you need to be relaxed and open-minded to have this conversation and make sure it’s a productive one. 

So it’s most important to set aside at least an hour specifically to talk your heart out and listen to each other.

3. Start The Discussion Positively

It’s true that such difficult conversations may lead to conflicts but it’s better to start on a positive note. Show your partner how much you appreciate them being open to having this conversation.

Begin your conversation by saying how much you want to resolve it and get back on track with your relationship stronger than before. Acknowledge their emotions, talk about your feelings and your approach for a positive outcome.

4. Listen Without Judging

There are certain problems that can be resolved just by listening.

If you feel a change in your partner’s behavior or when you have a conflict of opinion with your partner, just listen to them.

Be calm even when you want to give an immediate counter-response. Create a safe space where your partner feels comfortable to open up and talk about their side. Don’t form quick judgments based on a few sentences. Instead, allow them to talk openly to their hearts’ content and listen to them. 

Absorb what they’re feeling and analyze what they’re saying before you reply.

5. See the Situation from the Other’s Perspective

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our emotions that we tend to overlook what the other person feels. So before you assume what your partner is feeling or trying to say, stop for a second and think.

Think about what the other person would feel and the circumstances they are in. Put yourself in their shoes for one second and consider what they’re going through. 

Ask questions to yourself like:

Are they under any other emotional duress?

Is there any other reason for the way they acted?

Have I done anything that may have caused this action?

Try to reason from the other side as you move forward with the conversation.

6. It’s Okay to Agree to Disagree

As much as we want our conversation to end satisfactorily for both partners, sometimes things may not end the ideal way. 

When you’ve reached a point in your conversation where you realize that you’re going in rounds and both aren’t ready to compromise or back down, then it’s best to agree to disagree. 

Respect each other’s opinions before the discussion takes an ugly turn. 

It’s vital in a relationship to pick the battles that are worth fighting for. So stop when you feel that the conversation is going nowhere and politely tell your partner that you acknowledge their opinion and respect it and ask them to do the same for you.

Make sure to have such difficult discussions as soon as possible. Don’t try to push the conversation for an after-day and follow these tips to embrace the conversation rather than being nervous about it.