Gone are the days - thankfully - where women were expected to stay at home and hold the baby while the man of the family was obligated to take full responsibility for the entire household income. There is more flexibility now in modern days living, which has allowed couples to discuss what works best for them rather than what might be accepted by wider society.

Not only has the male to female role dynamic changed, so has the appearance of a typical professional template. The days of 9-5 aren’t quite as common they once were. With many companies embracing remote working and freelance hire opportunities, there has been a significant shift in what a typical working day might look like. 

Further to this, legislation has also changed in some areas of common law. Paternity leave is now a very real option for men and many mothers are able to balance part time work with child support benefits that were previously exclusive to one another. What a time to be alive, right? We have a way to go in terms of true equality, but we have certainly moved forward notably in the last few decades. But are we truly comfortable with the potential for our partner to earn more than us?

How Unbalanced Incomes Affect the Relationship

Though it may be true that money cannot buy happiness, it can pay for quite a number of enjoyable perks and assets! It’s nice to be treated occasionally. But some partners can become uncomfortable with constantly being paid for. In situations where one person is a stay-at-home parent while the other works it is highly likely that the bread-winner will be the sole provider. But this doesn’t mean they should be the only one to hold the purse strings.

In such situations, it’s important to ensure the partner without direct income has access to their own pot of money that they can use for personal use. This agreed upon pot can be taken each month from the monthly household income and set aside in a separate account, or it can be obtained from a small part time income avenue. One day a week could be set aside for a personal project that earns a little income that can be used as a personal balance. This format is not only fair, but it’s highly empowering!

It may be the case that you are in a relationship where you don’t share financial responsibilities such as lodgings or shared bills. Perhaps you are early on in your relationship and don’t live together. Or you have made the decision to live separately which is what works for you both at present. Are you feeling uncomfortable with the fact you earn significantly more than your partner or vice versa?

When there is a sizeable difference in income within a relationship, it can cause tension if the situation is not healthily addressed. Discomfort and even resentment can begin to grow when one partner is able to spend much more easily (and significantly) than their partner.

Income does not have to be equal, but there needs to be a balance in terms of mutual respect and communication. It’s okay to earn more than your partner - but make sure they understand you value them regardless of what you or they might earn.

Talk about issues immediately

Ensure you keep the balance right between you by cultivating open and progressive communication. Talk about the issues that might bother you as soon as they occur. Don’t hold any resentment about the fact that your partner always picks up the bill without asking, or that your other half expects you to pay the house bills every month because you earn a little more than them. Talk it out before money becomes a dividing factor between you.

Share Experiences that don’t require money

Make sure to include plenty of positive experiences with one another that do not include spending money. Head out for an autumnal walk together with some homemade coffees. Hold your hot drink in one hand and the hand of your partner in the other. Memories of time spent together that don’t include a credit card can be the most connecting of all. They are the ones you will remember long after the bills have been paid and debts have been settled.

Work together

Life tends to have its own plans, and this includes our financial situations. No matter how well you planned your year ahead, we cannot know what the future holds. Redundancy, unexpected debts and unavoidably spiralling legal bills can all change our economic status within a moment. Where you might have been comfortable as the prime earner in your relationship you may have to suddenly adjust to your partner picking up the pieces until you get back on your feet. 

When financial crisis occurs, work together as a power team to tackle whatever the situation might be. Throwing blame around is not going to help. Be mindful of how your partner is feeling. Offer space to talk about the emotions they might be experiencing as a result of what is happening around them. Resist the temptation to jump in with ‘what I would do…’ advice. Instead, simply offer an opportunity to be truly heard. Doing so will bring you closer together and much more able to deal with the money challenges effectively.

More than anything—hold on to the fact that your income does not define you. Nor does it define your partner. It is a part of your shared experience, but it cannot make or break the life you share together. Consider money an existent element within your relationship but not the foundation. Love one another for who you are and the valuable gifts you offer the world…

…not including what’s in your wallet!